friendships.

 

I never know how to pen this down. It’s been decades time since I felt this way.

Bismillah.

A couple of friends have vented out on me about fake friends. To me, its actually a skill to know who your true or fake friends are. It is something I could never think of. I could never think of a friend who talks to me so nicely, to be fake. Or a friend who I trust, to be fake. You know, its just one of those things of…… how could they be that kind of person?

A week ago, I got the memo. I got the memo that, hey, your friend is fake. I didn’t exactly received that but it was more of, “hey, i’m your friend but you’re not worth anything in my life!” kind of bang on the door. It hurts, so much, I could not reach home in time to stop the tears. How could they be that kind of person? Someone you’ve always been there for, listened to their feelings….. how could they hurt you like that? like you’re just a robot.

---

Everyday for most of my life, I keep saying to myself, do I really have true friends? nope.

---

Alhamdulilah ala kulli hal, since that day, I realised I had so much friends, more than I needed. I had them being all supportive of me. The guilt of not appreciating them enough started to eat me up.

I’m sorry if I’m not a good enough friend.

 

The truth is, there’s always someone out there who loves you.

Even if you don’t think there’s any,

there’s someone out there who wishes to be your friend. 

Today

“Shyness (hayaa) is from faith, and the people of faith will be in Paradise. Disagreeable of nature is from crudeness, and crudeness is in the hellfire,” (Tirmidhi)

Today I find myself asking why we expose our beautified faces (whether the way we smile or the make-up we put) to the public.

Today I wonder why men are attracted to looks and how you receive more “likes” or “followers” based on looks.

Today I wonder why I behave, the way I behave. And without realising, I am merely attracting attention of the ajnabi.

Honestly, a man will only look at you and judge you for your looks ONCE. but he will constantly judge you for your character and behaviour and thats what makes you beautiful.

No matter how pretty you are, how much you expose yourself you will never truly be loved for your looks.

So what if you receive so many likes? Or if you receive so many followers? Or you attain popularity? Whats the point, if the only way you attain it is through exposing your looks?

Rasulullah saw bersabda, yang bermaksud: “Dunia ini penuh perhiasan dan perhiasan paling indah ialah wanita solehah.” (Hadis Riwayat Muslim).

My dear sisters, lets try our very best to conceal our beauty and only reveal to those halal and mahram to us.

Rasulullah saw bersabda maksudnya: “Janganlah kamu nikahi wanita kerana kecantikannya, kelak kecantikannya itu akan membinasakannya; janganlah kamu nikahi wanita kerana hartanya, boleh jadi hartanya akan menyebabkan kederhakaanmu; sebaliknya nikahilah wanita yang beragama.”

 

(written in 2014)

i’m back.

bismillah.

Muharram 1437H

Bismillah. 

The start of Muharram 1437H has led me into a state of confusion. 

We crossed paths. The one that let me in his life, the one I’ve believed in. I had no idea what I was up against but truly alhamdulillah, I had faith in Allah for my heart did not long for him. A short night over at a cafe, learning to understand the way he behaves and I knew he was hiding something I had expected I could deal with. 

Only Allah knows how much of a sinner I am. I seek refuge in Him.

Then weeks came by and I had my hopes up. I know he wouldn’t be able to accept my past and I chose to let it be. For only Allah had hid my aib for the better. 

I found out about you. It shattered me so badly, that I realise I was actually a whole. I had a heart and I was into you. May Allah forgive me. 

I want to be there. I want to learn more. I want you to know that I’ve been there but I’m so afraid you wouldn’t look at me the same way you are right now. Because I am not worth it. I want to tell you every thing thats in my heart but I have to fight this struggle for the sake of Allah. 

Verily if Allah wills, He will bring two hearts together for the sake of Him and will bring them apart for the sake of Him. I put all my trust in You. Ya Muqallib Al Qulub. 
I feel him fading from my life. I didn’t expect you to. Then again, everyone who have entered into my life had always vanished, left me in pieces but now I have Allah with me. InsyaAllah. 

I only pray the best for you, day and night. May He give you abundance of strength and joy to love Him. May he lead you the one you could call home. 

Tawakkal ala Allah. 

For He knows what is best for us.